Deep dark secrets: everybody has them. But the question is, are these secrets ever really as deep and dark as people make them out to be? For the most part, after talking with several groups of friends and acquaintances, I’ve discovered that these are simply the instances in our lives that are our most embarrassing or unpleasant moments which they would rather not disclose to those who did not already witness their humiliation, but not usually anything to be truly ashamed of. However, there are also those who carry with them a heavy burden of remorse, linked to the memory of an event or action in their past that they know was immoral, and have tried to push to the back of their minds, but cannot forget their deep-rooted guilt and fear. Often we confess to our friends. But for some I’ve known, it is interesting to wonder: why is it so much easier to confide in a stranger than a friend, family member, or God? We are all different, but the main causes for all such secrets are alike in everyone.
One significant reason is reputation. I doubt a high school student who is at the top of their class for example, thought of as extremely bright, successful, and seem like they have a great personality would want their peers, much less family to know they had sex under age and behind everyone’s back. The thought of exposing such a secret leaves them afraid that they will lose respectability, admiration, trust, and even friendships. Although, once two friends have known each other long enough, sometimes they are comfortable sharing their innermost confidentialities with one another. But in my experience, it is difficult not knowing if the person will think less of you for certain iniquities. So then, confiding in a stranger or someone you do not know so well, rather than God or a friend (even though God would already know anyway), seems less intimidating, because they cannot judge you based on who you have been before, because they have never known who you were until now.
Also, I think that aside from being ashamed, the underlying reason is love. If you’ve been brought up right, you naturally know the difference between right and wrong. As with a small child who has misbehaved, sometimes people are frightened to admit their mistakes, however small or monumental, because they do not want the people they care about to stop loving them because of it. We as human beings have a strong natural desire to be loved; each of us in different ways, but I think we all run the same ideas through our minds in attempts to reason with our guilty hearts: “I don’t want to jeopardize my relationships because of something I did when nobody was watching… Who needs to know? Who wants to know? I’m not actually hurting anyone…It’s alright if I only did it once…It’s only wrong if I get caught, right? …They would hate me if I told…” And so much more…But it’s like my fifth grade teacher, Mr. Marks, always used to say, “Excuses are like trash cans…We all have ‘em, and they all stink.” We cannot erase our misdeeds simply by concealing them and trying to forget. There are four basic steps I’ve come up with that speak to the issue of rehabilitation from the covert sins that plague each of us: Confession, Apology, Forgiveness, and Healing. Others may see it differently, but this is just my personal set of steps that seem most important.
Confession involves not only admitting and taking ownership for your mistakes, but first recognizing that you have made them. Maybe the whole world does not have to know, though. That’s where a true friend, or in some cases, a compassionate stranger, comes into play, as I’ve said. Then, it starts to become much easier to explain your errors. That’s where you apologize for them, and then the weight of our sin begins to lift. Forgiveness needs to come not only from the person to whom you’ve confessed, but also from within ourselves. It is essential to find the courage to forgive yourself, I believe, before you can truly accept forgiveness from another. At this point, you know you were wrong and you’ve said you’re sorry; now let it go and let yourself be healed. True Healing means turning away from those ways. For me, I told myself that “I refuse to be a slave to sin any longer!” This is the point of release, when we are freed from the weight of our heavy hearts. And it is imperative to remember where you came from and commit to never going back to the person you used to be.
It is often difficult not to return to our wrong ways, when deep dark desires occasionally rise up again in our minds with a sense of gnawing temptation. But it is important to listen to your conscience then, as childish as that may seem, and find the strength to resist somehow; find a refuge for your thoughts. I always look to God in prayer first, as a young woman of faith, knowing I cannot conquer the lure of my sins alone. It may be different for you. I don’t know that for sure. But what I do know is: we all have something we’re trying to hide, for one reason or another, and all of us need relief from those burdens in some way. I’ve merely mentioned the best way I’ve found to deal with those issues. But if you ever need a friend, a shoulder to cry on, prayer, or just someone to talk to, your secrets are safe with me.
One significant reason is reputation. I doubt a high school student who is at the top of their class for example, thought of as extremely bright, successful, and seem like they have a great personality would want their peers, much less family to know they had sex under age and behind everyone’s back. The thought of exposing such a secret leaves them afraid that they will lose respectability, admiration, trust, and even friendships. Although, once two friends have known each other long enough, sometimes they are comfortable sharing their innermost confidentialities with one another. But in my experience, it is difficult not knowing if the person will think less of you for certain iniquities. So then, confiding in a stranger or someone you do not know so well, rather than God or a friend (even though God would already know anyway), seems less intimidating, because they cannot judge you based on who you have been before, because they have never known who you were until now.
Also, I think that aside from being ashamed, the underlying reason is love. If you’ve been brought up right, you naturally know the difference between right and wrong. As with a small child who has misbehaved, sometimes people are frightened to admit their mistakes, however small or monumental, because they do not want the people they care about to stop loving them because of it. We as human beings have a strong natural desire to be loved; each of us in different ways, but I think we all run the same ideas through our minds in attempts to reason with our guilty hearts: “I don’t want to jeopardize my relationships because of something I did when nobody was watching… Who needs to know? Who wants to know? I’m not actually hurting anyone…It’s alright if I only did it once…It’s only wrong if I get caught, right? …They would hate me if I told…” And so much more…But it’s like my fifth grade teacher, Mr. Marks, always used to say, “Excuses are like trash cans…We all have ‘em, and they all stink.” We cannot erase our misdeeds simply by concealing them and trying to forget. There are four basic steps I’ve come up with that speak to the issue of rehabilitation from the covert sins that plague each of us: Confession, Apology, Forgiveness, and Healing. Others may see it differently, but this is just my personal set of steps that seem most important.
Confession involves not only admitting and taking ownership for your mistakes, but first recognizing that you have made them. Maybe the whole world does not have to know, though. That’s where a true friend, or in some cases, a compassionate stranger, comes into play, as I’ve said. Then, it starts to become much easier to explain your errors. That’s where you apologize for them, and then the weight of our sin begins to lift. Forgiveness needs to come not only from the person to whom you’ve confessed, but also from within ourselves. It is essential to find the courage to forgive yourself, I believe, before you can truly accept forgiveness from another. At this point, you know you were wrong and you’ve said you’re sorry; now let it go and let yourself be healed. True Healing means turning away from those ways. For me, I told myself that “I refuse to be a slave to sin any longer!” This is the point of release, when we are freed from the weight of our heavy hearts. And it is imperative to remember where you came from and commit to never going back to the person you used to be.
It is often difficult not to return to our wrong ways, when deep dark desires occasionally rise up again in our minds with a sense of gnawing temptation. But it is important to listen to your conscience then, as childish as that may seem, and find the strength to resist somehow; find a refuge for your thoughts. I always look to God in prayer first, as a young woman of faith, knowing I cannot conquer the lure of my sins alone. It may be different for you. I don’t know that for sure. But what I do know is: we all have something we’re trying to hide, for one reason or another, and all of us need relief from those burdens in some way. I’ve merely mentioned the best way I’ve found to deal with those issues. But if you ever need a friend, a shoulder to cry on, prayer, or just someone to talk to, your secrets are safe with me.
